The Regrets of a Slytherin
by blackkeysandwhitelines
Summary: Regrets? The bravest man we ever new had quite a few. Join Severus as he recollects all the things he wished he could change. The fondest memories and final wishes of Severus Snape. LilyxSnape Bear with me I PROMISE it will get better!
1. Chapter 1: Potions 101

**The Regrets of a Slytherin**

**AN: This is my first endeavor into this fandom and I would appreciate any type of advice, or critiques. It is a little slow BUT it will get better I promise! Please Please review! Much Love, MJ**

Chapter 1: Potions 101

Severus Snape made his way down the soundless halls of Hogwarts. The hallways that were once jovial, and filled with excited students and peculiar characters of all kinds. The portraits that lined the moving staircases would move with vibrancy, but now they remained dull and lifeless. Not one of the subjects in the pieces would come out when Snape roamed silently through the halls. They were _all_ afraid of him.

Severus made his way to the Potions room with his thoughts the only thing keeping him company. The wizard quickened his pace. It was not that he was worried of getting caught, he was the headmaster after all, but he needed to find his solace.

Snape made his way to his old potions room quickly slamming the door, and locking it shut. He made his way through the room slowly running his hand along the black wooded desks of the room. The wizard made his way to the door that sat at the end of the classroom. Severus stole one more glance at the room before entering his office.

His office was filled with potions of every kind. Their different colored hues lit the room as they sat in different sized vials. He reached his desk with a hastened pace and he sat down in the chair. There had been many nights years before this one that he had found himself in his exact position.

He had his head lying on his desk. He slowly inhaled and exhaled trying to gain a shred of the man he used to be. Everything this past year had been emotionally taxing. He had no privacy as headmaster, and no one believed his act anymore. He didn't care, but the Dark Lord did.

Snape was to remain the trustworthy headmaster of Hogwarts. Who was he kidding? He didn't know how to run a school! He was doing enough as is. He was trying to help the Potter boy for the sake of Lily, and now he was stuck running Hogwarts. Many days were grueling and difficult, and the only thing that kept him afloat was his memories.

_Lily_

Severus picked his head off his desk and opened the small desk drawer that lay underneath his desktop. The drawer remained empty to the human eye, but a simple incantation would reveal the real objects it held. The wizard recited the simple phrase that broke the charm he placed on the desk drawer.

_The lovely Lily of fair white, brightens the day and darkest night._

The once invisible objects materialized before the man. Of these many objects, there was a picture that sat limply on the bottom of the desk. Snape picked up the dainty picture that sat in the drawer. The she was smiling at him. She was waiting for him laughing that he was late as always…..

**~.o.O.o.~**

"Silly Severus! You're always late!" Lily giggled as she ran up to her closest companion. She was dressed in her regular, or more muggle attire, because they were meeting in King's Cross Station so they could go through platform nine and three quarters together. Her soft red hair bounced as she ran with her train cart to her smiling friend.

"I'm sorry Lillian, I just got tied up!" Severus said knowing that calling Lily by anything other than her nickname would annoy her. She playfully hit him as she stuck her tongue out.

"Besides if I were early I wouldn't have been able to get this for you!" he said smiling as he pulled out a bouquet of flowers for his companion. Lily looked at the flowers and smiled as she watched them change colors.

"Severus, you know that if we use magic outside of school we could be in HUGE trouble!" Lily said looking at her friend with cautions look gracing her face. Severus frowned slightly at her disapproval, and the fact that worry lines disturbed her beautiful face.

"I know just keep watching them! I promise that you won't be disappointed!" Severus said trying to draw attention away from his illegal use of magic and to the beautiful flowers his friend held. She watched in amazement as the flowers changed colors until they changed into pure white lilies.

"Wow. That's beautiful Severus! Thank you!" Lily said as she threw her arms around her dear friend. Severus was taken aback by her reaction, but accepted the hug graciously from the woman he held so dear to his heart.

The two made their way through platform nine and three quarters as they found their train. Neither of them had any parents see them off. Severus felt a pang of hurt mixed with jealousy sting his heart. Just as the wizard tensed up his hand gripping his cart handle, Lily placed her delicate hand on his rough hand.

Severus exhaled sharply letting out the anger and pain he felt, and looked toward the beautiful woman that stood beside him. She smiled at him softly as her emerald green eyes showed understanding in them. The couple made their way to the train with Lily's soft hand placed on Severus.

The two friends made their way to their cart as Lily raced for the window seat telling Severus about all she was going to do this year.

"And hopefully he'll notice me this year….Severus are you listening to me?" Lily asked looking at her distracted friend.

He wasn't. Severus was not meaning to ignore his wonderful friend. He was just distracted by seeing such a joyful face fill his mind again.

"I'm sorry. _Who?_ Do you want to notice you this year?" Severus asked half interested, but half distracted by the beautiful woman that sat across from him.

"Why, James Potter of course!" Lily said slightly blushing when she mentioned his name.

Snape sighed gently at the mention of _him_. James Potter. He was a 6th year, and that meant trouble for his dear friend the 5th year. It wasn't that Severus hated 6th years, but this particular 6th year had a bad reputation.

Severus had seen the terrible acts James did firsthand. James would induct little 3rd years into his 'club' by finding harsh methods of hazing. Many of the 3rd years would crack under pressure because some of the 'inductions' were cruel. Severus never had any desire to be in James' little club so he stayed away from him.

Unfortunately, Severus' constant attempts of isolation did not go unnoticed by James Potter. Whether the wizard wanted to admit it or not Severus' stoic personality had him liked by the girls, and he was a potions wiz. Basically Severus Snape had gained unwanted popularity, and all he wanted to do was hang out with that silly little red head. James Potter would get his revenge on his rejection from Severus Snape.

"Lily, James Potter is a pig. You don't want to have anything to do with him trust me." The young man said trying to quickly wave the subject away so the two could talk about more excitable concepts. Lily frowned ever so slightly at the wizard, and went to speak when a young woman approached the couple's door.

"Oh look Severus! It's your clan." Lily teased as the young woman entered their room not letting her eyes leave the black haired man.

"Cornelia…." Severus went to rudely tell the girl to leave when a loud shriek left the blonde's mouth.

"You said my name! You guys he said my name! That MUST mean he likes me!" The young woman shrieked as she spoke to the group of girls gathering behind her.

"Cornelia…If you and your _posse_ do not leave in exactly ten seconds. I will _permanently_ transfigure you into a rat and then feed you to my pet snake." Severus said trying not to lose his cool entirely.

"You see Severus and I have important _private_ matters to discuss girls." Lily said winking at the group and placing a hand on Severus' hand.

The girls frowned collectively as they made their way out of the tiny room. Lily's hand remained on Severus' for what felt like eternity and Severus he wished he could have froze time. That pure moment of bliss ended and the poor man was brought back to reality as his dear friend spoke.

"Epppp! Severus! There he is!" Lily said as she jabbed her elbow into his side. Severus coughed lightly at the slight blow his ribs received. James Potter walked past the room staring at the two friends. Severus glared intensely at James, and James winked at Lily knowing what buttons to push to anger his enemy.

Lily squealed lightly not realizing the particularly malicious mood radiating from her displeased friend. She looked over at her friend with excitement on her face, and Severus could not help but smile.

The two friends spoke about many of the year's events as the train proceeded to make its way to Hogwarts. Severus and Lily made their way all the way to the Great Hall until they realized this was as far as they could go _together_. Lily looked at her friend with saddened eyes, placing her fragile white hand on his own.

"Sometimes, I think they sort people too early." Lily said smiling weakly at her dear friend. She went to go leave the young man but Severus did not relinquish his grip on her small hand.

"Wait.." Severus wanted to tell his dear friend so many things. He wanted to tell her how he loved her. How all he wanted to do was hold her hand and keep her safe, but he didn't.

"Have a nice dinner." The young wizard smiled at his friend trying to cover up his almost confession. Lily smiled at her friend, and squeezed his hand tightly.

"Silly boy! Of course I will!" Lily teased her friend releasing his hand and making her way towards the Gryffindor table.

That became the first regret of our friend the Slytherin as he made his way to his table.


	2. Chapter 2: The Necklace

**The Regrets of a Slytherin**

Chapter 2: The Necklace

"Severus!" An eerie, uncanny voice rang through the office as Severus sat in his headmaster desk. Snape did not have to look around to know who the owner was. Snape knew Voldermort had come for one of his weekly visits to check for Potter.

The painting behind the large mahogany desk began to shake violently, and Severus looked at the painting as the once inhabited picture once again was filled with a subject. Voldermort and his companion Nagini walked closer to the man.

Severus let his stoic expression become permanently fixated upon his face. The Dark Lord stepped out of the photo, and Nagini slithered around the beautiful mahogany desk.

"Severus my dear friend. I have seen what the boy will do next." Voldermort said with his pasty white skin turning an even more unpleasant white.

"My Lord, you look weak please sit." Severus coaxed helping the man to his large comfy seat. Voldermort acted strong but he could begin to feel his body becoming weak.

"Any luck finding it?" The Dark Lord asked hoping he would have a bit of luck on his side. He knew he did not need any luck beating the Potter boy. He was weak, and Voldermort would win, he would live.

"No luck, my Lord. It seems the apparition had someone move it deeper into the room of requirements. But do not worry I will use any method possible in my _interrogations_ to find it." Severus said trying to reassure the man that sat weakly in front of him. Snape knew that Voldermort was fearful. He was worried that he would die, he was worried that he _wouldn't _win.

"Yes, find my dear timepiece. It would be a pity to see it destroyed." Voldermort said stroking Nagini as he tried to gain more strength.

There was a knock at the Headmaster's door. Snape knew that it was time for his interrogations to begin, but before he went to answer the door Voldermort whispered.

"Don't forget about the Elder Wand Severus. Remember that I need to _kill_ that Draco boy before it's too late."

Severus nodded as he watched the Dark Lord, and his pet disappear in the painting. There was another knock at the door, and Severus sat back in his chair.

"Enter" Snape said as he pretended to look at the documents and parchment that lay on his desk. Mr. Filch and a fellow Slytherin stood with a small young woman grasped in their hands.

"First interrogation sir." Filch said proudly and in a groveling manner as he shoved the poor girl foreword.

The two captors made their way out of the vast Headmaster's room. The girl sat on the floor shaking violently and you could see her tears hitting the ashwood floor.

"Sit" Severus commanded as he watched the girl quietly move. He could see that she was a Gryffindor and she had a small pendant hanging from a chain. She refused to look at the Headmaster, and looked straight at the floor.

Snape tried to shift in his chair to get a better look at the pendant, and that's when he recognized it.

"Year?" Severus asked trying to remain cool as he stared intently at the necklace that lay upon the girl's neck.

"5th" The girl answered quietly while she shook violently in her seat. Severus tried to make out what she said, but he just assumed she said 5th.

"Name?" he queried in a monotone voice trying to get this over and done with.

"Lilia Blue." The young woman answered without looking away from the floor. She began to cry again, but this time soft sobs emitted from her mouth.

"Shut up, you stupid girl! Tell me where you _stole_ that necklace from." Snape scolded at Lilia as she began to cry harder.

"I…didn't steal… it…my" she tried to plead her case in between sobs, but she was cut off by the headmaster.

"Liar! You are a liar. Filch!" Snape curtly said as he clapped his hands and walked up to the girl.

Filch grabbed the shaking girl by her arm once more, but Snape leaned forward to speak. She refused to look him in the eye, and he got closer to her face.

"Take this one to the chambers." Snape said as he ripped the necklace from the girl's neck. She screamed, and tried to fight the two men that grabbed her.

"NO! NO! NOOO! SAVE ME!" She screamed as she thrashed in the arms of her captors, but before Severus could step forward the darkness engulfed the girl, and her captors. The Chambers would now control her fate.

Severus clutched the necklace tightly in his hands and he closed and locked his door. Snape once again roamed the dark hallways of Hogwarts, but not to find solace in the Potions room. Severus approached to abandoned boy's washrooms.

He would seek solace in the place her use to hide when no one understood him. When he was alone at his years in Hogwarts.

"Severus Snape! I haven't seen you in awhile." Moaning Myrtle said as she approached the stoic man. He did not move away, but he found his usual spot in the eerie room.

He sat by the window as the moonlight streamed through the window. "Oh. Poor Severus! Always wants Lily!" Mrytle teased as she pretended to cry. "booowhooooo!" She mocked as she continued to float around him.

"Leave me alone you blasted ghost!" Severus screamed as he tried to find solace. The spirit fled almost instantly as the man began to think.

He examined the necklace that sat in his hand. It was the necklace he gave her….

**~.o.O.o.~**

"Can you help me? I seem to have put too much dirigible root in my potion.." Lily said scratching her head as she looked down at the caldron in front of her. It was a very ugly color, and it had a putrid smell emitting from it. Severus just laughed as he moved closer to his helpless friend.

She laughed as Severus put the ingredients that would balance out the dirigible root. He made potions look so effortless, and it made her laugh at how lightly he took his talent. He would toss things in like he was cooking, and then the potion looked like a beautiful lavender color. Lily still had a long way to go with the potion, but he would help if she wanted him to.

"Is anyone done with their potion?" Professor Slughorn asked walking around the room to make sure no one put dragon blood in this particular potion. You see, the whole classroom would smell like muck for weeks, and the smell of muck is unbearable.

Severus raised his hand slightly as he watched his friend from across the table continue to concoct her potion. He sat with his elbow on the table as his head rested in his hands.

Lily concentrated really hard on her potion as she tried to create the perfect sleeping potion. Severus chuckled to himself as he watched her.

"Why don't you help her?" Professor Slughorn nudged as he watched the young lad. He could tell he was clearly in love, but he didn't want to meddle…_too much_. Severus wanted to say no, but an opportunity like this would only present itself so many times.

He made his way over to Lily's side of the table as she blushed lightly at her potions mess. She did not like to do badly, and she hadn't done poorly in potions. It just happened to be this particular potion that was very difficult for her to master.

She was pouring some spider venom in the potion when Severus came up behind her and guided her hand. He could feel his cheeks growing warm, but did not allow his fear of rejection get in his way.

"Gently pour the venom because you only want so much." The young wizard said as the whispered the directions gently in his friend's ear. He could see her cheeks grow a light shade of pink. He could feel her soft, delicate hand beneath his gruff, masculine hand. He could hear her light breathing, and feel her hair gently tickle his cheek.

"Is that enough?" Lily asked slightly entranced at the close proximity the two shared, but soon gained her carefree tone back. That seemed to snap the young man back into reality as he released the woman's hand.

He looked down to see that she had completed the potion, and just when he was going to speak he was cut off by his professor.

"That will be it for today class! Happy Christmas holidays! And remember if you are supposed to attend my party be prompt! Serving starts at eight!"Professor Slughorn said closing his potions book, and shooing his students from his room.

Lily and Severus walked out of the potions room side by side until the young man spoke.

"Lily can I give you something?" he asked nervously fidgeting ever so slightly because he wanted to please her so.

"Sev! We promised to exchange gifts the day before Christmas you know that!" Lily said trying to evade any early gifts.

"I know, I know. But I want you to wear it for the party tonight. Please?" Severus asked trying to plead with the young woman tugging her hand.

"Fine!" Lily gave into his pleading, but she wasn't going to give him his gift early.

Severus led his friend up many winding staircases and narrow halls because he had the perfect spot to give her his gift. They reached the clock tower that overlooked the entire campus, and the only problem was that they weren't allowed to up there.

Severus didn't care, it was the perfect spot, and he would gladly take a detention for it. He reached into his pocket as he pulled out a small necklace. It was a silver chain that had a heart pendant on it. The pendant was locket, and on the inside it read: _The Lovely Lily of fair white, brightens the day and the darkest night._ He had paid a hefty amount of gallons for the jewelry, but he did not care because he loved this girl.

The young man watched as Lily examined the necklace. She would look at the intricate design that decorated the front, and then she would open it and read its inscription. She then hugged her dear friend tightly.

"Oh Sev! Thank you so much! It is absolutely beautiful! Well, come now! Help me put it on silly boy!" Lily teased as she placed the necklace back in his hands and turning around so he could place the necklace on her. He watched as she held her beautiful orange hair and she exposed her ivory neck.

He clasped the necklace together, and Lily slowly turned around. Her beautiful eyes radiated with happiness as their eyes met. That's when a spark began to form in the young man's heart. He leaned ever so slightly to be closer to his dear friend. He reached out to move the stray hair that lost its way, and was resting on her beautiful face. He wanted to kiss her when….

"Hey! You know you're not allowed to be up here! It'll be detention for a week if I catch you!" They heard a voice scream as its owner began to race up the stairs.

Severus then grabbed Lily's tiny hand and they ran through the halls once more. They both began to laugh at the adventure they got themselves into. The two friends were racing through corridors, running down moving staircases and made it to the hall where Slytherin and Gryffindor split. The two friends tried to catch their breath in between laughs, which only caused them to laugh more.

"I have to go get ready!" Lily said looking at her friend whilst panting vigorously.

"See you at eight, okay?" Severus asked as he watched his friend nod. She began to leave and he released her delicate hand.

"See you at eight!" Lily screamed as she raced to the Gryffindor common room. Her heart never raced that fast in her life.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Severus sat nervously at the bottom of the Gryffindor common room staircase. He wanted to see her, and he wanted to tell her so many things. He waited for his dear Lily so they could arrive at Professor Slughorn's party together.

"Lillian! If you don't hurry up we'll miss the dirigible plum punch!" Snape yelled up the stairs hoping calling her by her full name would make her come downstairs. Sure enough that angered her to come down the stairs, but all signs of anger were erased from her face as soon as she met her friend.

The young wizard dressed in his nicest robes for her; because after all he was her date. Severus was completely bewildered when he saw the beautiful woman emerge from the stairs. Her orange hair was pulled back to show off more of her prominent facial features, and her dress absolutely flattered her. It exposed just enough to make Severus blush, but she was still a lady. Her eyes positively glistened the most beautiful shade of blue the young man had ever seen. She was absolutely beautiful.

The lad stepped forward as she let her foot touch the floor. He held out a beautiful white lily that complimented her magnificently. She took it gently not letting the smile leave her face, but only widen on her face. She smelled the flower and placed it delicately in her hair. That's when Severus realized that she was wearing her necklace, and he couldn't help but beam.

The couple made their way to their professor's party. The whole scene was jovial, and light. The servers were very obliging, and a multitude of conversations were being held. The bright candle light illuminated the room warmly, and the soft laughter filled the room.

However, all was not well for the entire party because one of the many party's attendants happened to be James Potter. Dinner was in progress when the unpleasant attitude began to take hold of the party.

"What did you think of the lesson today?" Professor Slughorn asked trying to make conversation with the table. Many of the students found the lesson quite difficult, and voiced their opinions as so.

"What about you Severus?" Lily asked as she looked over at her stoic friend. He looked at her nodding, but then opening his mouth to give his opinion.

"Don't speak to that loser, Lily." James said obviously causing unnecessary confrontation during the dinner.

"James! That's ENOUGH!" Lily screamed trying to defend her dear friend, but she should have known that Severus would not just 'let that go.'

"It's okay James, we all know at this table that your brain was too small to comprehend the lesson. But if you want to get moved into 3rd year potions to match your social maturity I am sure we can arrange something. Pass the salt would you Lily?" Severus said curtly slightly glaring at the man who sat across from him.

"Boy! Let's talk about something else." Professor Slughorn interrupted trying to change the subject and the animosity that rose at the table.

"Sure Professor, Let's talk about how when we all leave to go see our parents for Christmas break. Severus will go back to dirty, old, empty house. Because his own parents don't even want him." James said taking yet another cheap shot at the poor wizard.

"JAMES!" Lily screamed horrified as she watched her dear friend stand up and slowly leave the table.

"Yeah. That's right leave like a coward!" James provoked, and that's when Severus turned around.

"Accopendo!" Severus screamed as he jinxed the horrible waste of a man that stood behind him. James went to repel the spell when his mouth stitched shut. Lily stood up and followed after her angered friend, and the door closed with a slam.

"Well, it's always eventful here isn't it?" Slughorn asked nervously as he tried to once again change the subject.

**~.o.O.o.~**

"You know that you're one of the most kind people I know? " Lily said as she walked towards her friend who was looking out the window. He acknowledged her presence, but he could feel the full effect of James' words kicking in.

"Do you remember when we first met? My sister would tease me because I was different, but you didn't mind. You befriended me when no one else would. Sev, anyone would be a fool to say you don't have a kind heart. You matter to me." Lily said trying to comfort her friend as he silently dealt with the pain his heart felt.

"I brought your gift…."Lily said trying to regain her happy-go-lucky attitude that she knew pleased her dear friend so much. She opened her purse to pull out a leather bound note book.

She held it in front of him for the young wizard to take it. The leather was nice, and it wasn't cheap by any means. There were silver appliqués that decorated the front and back. His name was engraved in the front. The cover said 'Marigolds Potions for the Advanced Wizard.' Severus had marveled at the book numerous times when they would take class visits to Hogsmead. He knew that this was a very expensive book, but he didn't want to give it back and make her upset.

"This is just a little something to show you that I believe in you. And I know that one day you'll be the potions master!" Lily joked with Severus as she tried her best to lighten his spirits.

"Open it. Don't forget to check the back." Lily nudged her friend as a playful smile graced her lips. She wrapped her arms around her legs as he watched her friend open the book.

He opened the cover of the book to find the word _Always_ written by his dear friend, and the initials L.E. written by the word. Somehow Severus forgot to check the back but did read the perplexing riddle in the front.

"Always?" Severus questioned as he looked at his striking friend. She smiled lightly and looked down at the floor to hide her embarrassment.

"I'll _always_…love you." Lily finished looking at the floor trying to hide her embarrassment, and almost making the _love you_ inaudible.

Severus was overwhelmed with joy. She loved him? Did Lily Evans just tell him that she _loved _him? Just then Severus was cut off from thinking. He began to lean forward to get closer to his dear friend. He had to know what it was like to kiss her. She looked so beautiful looking at the moon as her ivory skin shone an almost iridescent color. She didn't realize the closeness of her dear friend and then she said.

"You're like a brother to me Sev. I'd hate to lose you." The young woman turned from looking at the moon to catch a glance of her friend. It was then that Severus realized he couldn't kiss her, he couldn't love her, and she would never love him like he loved her. Severus began to scoot away from her.

"Yeah. I love you like a sister too." He said as he smiled and looked at the moon.

That became the second regret of our friend the Slytherin, and the kiss he almost had.


End file.
